After taking a long hiatus from working on this blog but continuing to prepare for Camp Kesem this summer, I am officially back with even more knowledge on camp counseling, as training has officially begun for this summer! I am super excited and have already learned so much that I want to share!
One thing that Camp Kesem strongly emphasizes is the need for culturally responsive counselors. Obviously, cancer can affect anyone and everyone, regardless of race, gender, sexuality, socioeconomic status, and any other background, so we want to make sure our counselors are equipped with the skills that enable them to be culturally responsive to their campers, no matter their background. Cultural responsiveness, according to Sonia Nieto, the author of Finding Joy in Teaching Students of Diverse Backgrounds: Culturally Responsive and Socially Just Practices in U.S. Classrooms, focuses on the ability to behave in ways that respect and honor campers’ cultures and experiences (Nieto, 2013). She says that the best way to act culturally responsively is to take any previous misconceptions about certain groups of people and throw them out the door. Additionally, another incredibly important aspect of being a culturally responsive counselor, according to Geneva Gay, the author of Culturally Responsive Teaching: Theory Research and Practice, involves recognizing the importance of racial and cultural diversity. With these ideas in mind, according to Camp Kesem, the best way to be a culturally responsive counselor is to prioritize diversity, equity, and inclusion throughout camp. While diversity, equity, and inclusion seem like words people throw around like a Frisbee, they really are essential to being a successful camp counselor. Every camper is diverse in every aspect of the word; none of them are the same, and it is important for counselors to honor these differences. With certain diverse identities come various inequalities than can manifest even at a young age. Stressors such as poverty, racism, and homophobia, among others, can definitely take a toll on campers’ behaviors, and it is important to recognize such difficulties that may contribute to the need for campers to have a little extra attention. I have mentioned the importance of inclusion in various other posts because it really is so important for campers to feel like they are part of the group because they might not experience this feeling of belonging outside of camp. Exclusion can lead campers to feel worthless, lonely, and rejected, which can be detrimental to their self-esteem levels. Now, with these principles in mind, how can we ensure that we are being culturally responsive and that our principles of diversity, equity, and inclusion are upheld? The first thing that should be done, even before the start of camp, is that we should acknowledge our own privileges and recognize that we might have different life experiences and may not know exactly where our campers are coming from and that is okay. Once camp starts, if we have acknowledged our privileges, it will be much easier to be aware of the need to be culturally responsive and where we might be falling behind. During camp, it is important to set guidelines from the start that emphasize our aforementioned principles. The guidelines should be kept to positive statements, so that kids know what they can do instead of what they cannot. (As we all know, kids love being told what they can do, but they don’t react so well to when they’re told what they can’t do.) Use phrases like, “We will respect each other” and “We will only say nice things to one other.” That way, when kids break the rules, (which they inevitably will) they can be reminded of what they should be doing and not what they should not be doing. Little Jimmy would react much more constructively to someone telling him, “Hey bud, remember we are nice to each other here at camp” than he would with someone saying, “Hey bud, we don’t hit here.” Reminding him of how he should be behaving not only implies that what he is done is wrong, but it also reiterates the rules that everyone should be following; whereas, telling him what he did wrong never reminds him of what he should be doing, as it is fairly possible that he may have simply forgotten. In addition to creating specific guidelines, culturally responsive counselors should model good behavior. Children will copy anything and everything they see (that’s why they love to play that awful Copy-Everything-You-Do game), so if they see their counselor being a culturally responsive role model, they will more than likely follow suit. Even doing something as simple as saying, “Wow I love how different each-and-every-one of us is” and then pointing out different likes and dislikes that every camper has, will really show kids that it is important to acknowledge their friends’ differences and—more importantly—that being different from one another is a good thing, not a bad thing. It will also show them how they can all come together and have fun in a group, even if they are different from the other campers, which is certainly an important life lesson to learn. With these guidelines in mind, it is important to be understanding if campers do mess up, knowing that mistakes can provide powerful lessons for kids. Sometimes kids really don’t know that something they may have said is wrong or that it can be hurtful to others. I have had a camper who once said, “This is so gay!” when we were unable to do an activity simply because it’s a phrase he has heard tossed around at school. When I took him aside, I explained that saying “That’s so gay” is like saying “That’s so Michael” (I used his name in the phrase, but I picked a random one for this post.) when something you don’t like happens; essentially, you are calling a whole group of people “stupid,” or “dumb,” or “messed up” when you say these things. After this conversation, he completely changed his perspective and promised never to say something like that again. Although in this situation I was able to rationalize with him, it is important to never get into a debate with a camper because they will not always get it. If he had still not understood, I would have just left it alone and said, “We don’t use that phrase at camp.” Not only is debating a camper unproductive, but it can also cause counselors to become heated and emotional, so they would have to calm their negative emotions before dealing with the situation at hand, which is particularly unproductive. Additionally, there will likely always be a camper who is on the receiving end of an offensive comment, and it is even more important to make sure the hurt camper is okay, even before talking to the camper who made the inappropriate comment. Sometimes, campers need to be reminded that it is okay to feel hurt and upset when someone says something mean to them and that they are justified in feeling however they feel. Also, campers should not be forced to confront the other camper who said something inappropriate to them, especially if the plan is to get them to help explain why what was said was wrong. Furthermore, while it is essential that the hurt camper doesn’t make inappropriate comments back to the other camper, they should also know that they are justified being upset with the other camper, as long as they do not to anything malicious. Thanks for sticking with me, even after my three-month hiatus! As per usual, below is an overview of everything I covered in this post.
Thanks for reading, Logan **Thank you to Camp Kesem for providing the necessary information on prioritizing diversity, equity, and inclusion at camp.** References: Gay, G. (2010). Pedagogical Potential of Cultural Responsiveness. In Culturally Responsive Teaching: Theory Research and Practice (2nd ed., pp. 22-46). New York, NY: Teachers College Press. Nieto, S. (2013). From Dispositions to Actions: Becoming Culturally Responsive Teachers. In Finding Joy in Teaching Students of Diverse Backgrounds: Culturally Responsive and Socially Just Practices in U.S. Classrooms (2nd ed., pp. 137-144). Heinemann.
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I promised in my last post that this post would be fun, and I am sticking to that promise! This semester has been super busy for me, so I think this is a well-deserved break for all of us.
That being said, picture this scenario: You have an entire fun day of Messy Olympics planned with a spaghetti fight, shaving cream fight, and a paint slip and slide for your group of 11 and 12-year old boys, and they’ve been looking forward to it all week. You spend the first couple days of the week hyping them up for these awesome, day-long Messy Olympics that you have do outside because you can’t make a mess inside of the freshly cleaned building. You get to camp at 6:30 am (unfortunately, this is an actual time that I get to camp), and you check the weather…Thunderstorms. After a long, exasperated sigh of disappointment you think to yourself, “What am I possibly going to do with a group of 15 rowdy 11 and 12-year-old boys who were looking forward to chucking handfuls of spaghetti at my face and who are going to be sorely disappointed when I tell them that it isn’t happening anymore?” The answer is “No-Supply” and “Single-Supply” games! The trick is to make a rotation of these games, so that the kids can have an opportunity to play many different kinds of games without getting bored. On a day like this, the absolute goal is to do anything in your power to keep them from resorting to using their phones and searching up less-than-funny YouTube videos, or even worse: putting in headphones and listening to music that they constantly get you to try to listen to because they think you are a middle-aged man who doesn’t know what rap music is. (Once again, this is unfortunately based on a true story.) That being said, I have found that the best game rotations alternate between sporty activities and non-sporty activities. Obviously, the more athletic kids are going to want to play the sporty games all day, but it’s important to remember that not everyone is a future Michael Jordan. As much as you may want to use the 6-foot basketball hoop to dunk on 12-year-olds all day, camp is for the campers, and not everyone will find that to be fun. Some will, but it’s important that kids feel included at camp, and sports can be some of the most exclusive activities for non-athletes, leaving them feeling isolated. Although it’s best not to play sports all day, it is definitely a good idea to start off with a sport that is every-camper-for-themselves, especially if they are feeling disappointed that they won’t get to do their planned outdoor activities. A great game to start with is called Wall Ball. It seems like one of the most mind-numbing games ever, but the kids rave about it. The only supplies that Wall Ball requires are a wall and a tennis ball (surprise!). One person throws the ball at the wall, and then someone has to catch it or pick it up from wherever it lands. Once they have the ball in their hand, they cannot take any steps, and they must throw the ball at the wall from wherever they are. If they miss the wall, or if the ball touches someone and then touches the ground at any point, the person who the ball last touched has to run and touch the wall. If someone is able to pick up the ball and throw it at the wall before the other person touches the wall, the person running to the wall is out. (If the game seems to be going well and the kids are loving it, you can start by giving them three lives and instead of making them go out at zero lives, just start giving them negative lives; they’ll never know!) It’s such a great game because it doesn’t require extreme athleticism, and the kids get to run all over the place to chase after the ball and tag the wall. (Sorry parents, but on rainy days, all counselors are thinking about is “How on Earth am I going to wear these children down?) Another good activity to play after Wall Ball would be some quick riddle games that confuse them every time! These games are good for waiting around, and would be perfect for when the kids are eating a snack or taking a break after all of the running the did after a sport. One of the games is called Green Glass Door. In this game, counselors tell the campers that only certain things can fit in the green glass door, and they have to figure out what those things are. Give them an example of something that can fit in the green glass door by saying, “Yellow carrots can go into the green glass door,” and have them take turns guessing what can go into the green glass door. The trick here is that only things with double letters (green, glass, door, yellow, carrots, etc.) can go into the door, and they’ll never figure it out! It’s great! A similar game to this is called Bob Likes Coffee, But He Doesn’t Like Tea. In this situation Bob likes shoes, apples, monkeys, and Maryland, but he doesn’t like tomatoes. The trick here is that he doesn’t like things that have Ts in them. (Get it? He doesn’t like Tea!) Another good one is The Triangle Game, where you say, “I have a triangle from [this thing/person] to [this thing/person] to [this thing/person]. Whose triangle is it?” and the triangle belongs to whoever makes some sort of audible noise after the question. The kids are never going to guess that if they say someone’s name first, it becomes their triangle! A final riddle game like this is The Cup of the Nice People. In this game, the kids stand in a circle and pass an imaginary cup around. When someone receives the imaginary cup, they must say “Thank you. This is the cup of the nice people, and I am going to put [insert thing here] in it.” If they don’t say “thank you” when passed the cup, they can’t put anything in it. They get so frustrated by this one! After getting the kids nice and frustrated with these riddle games, it’s a good idea to play another active game. This game is very simple, and it’s called “Don’t Touch the Trashcan” and all it requires is a trash can! The kids hold hands and form a large circle around a trashcan. The aim of the game is to try to get people out by making them touch the trashcan. They can pull, spin, and run around to try to get other people to touch the trashcan, but as soon as someone touches the trashcan, or someone breaks the circle, they are out. This game can get a little bit too exciting for the kids who really get into it, so it’s important to watch for overstimulation here and end the game if necessary. (Also, make sure there isn’t any trash in the trashcan because based on personal experience, the trashcan will fall over and spill trash everywhere!) Another great active game to play is “Captain’s Coming.” This is a game in which the counselor is the captain, and everyone else is the crew. The crew must do whatever the captain calls out, and if they are the last one to do it, they are out. (It works well if the captain is more lenient.) Their options are “port,” where they run to the left of the room, starboard, where they run to the right of the room, “swab the deck,” where they get on their hands and knees and pretend to clean the floor, “climb the mast,” where they pretend to climb a ladder, “lifeboat,” or “captain’s coming.” If the counselor calls “lifeboat [insert number here],” the campers must form groups of that number, and whoever is not in a group of that number is out. If the counselor calls “Captain’s coming” everyone must freeze and stand still, “at ease,” and the counselor and the campers who are out go and try to make the campers who are in laugh. The first person to laugh is out. This game is really good because the campers can still be involved, even if they are out. Finally, you’re going to want to end the rotation with another active game to really tire them out. This is a really fun game that is good if you have a lot of space: “Ravens and Crows.” In this game, the kids are split evenly into two teams: ravens and crows. They stand in lines about 6 feet apart and face each other. If the counselor yells crows, the crows have to chase the other team to the wall. If the counselor yells ravens, the ravens have to chase the other team to the wall. If someone is tagged they join the other team. This game is really good because what usually happens is that the kids end up switching teams over and over again, and it takes a really long time to have a winning team, which occurs when everyone is on one team. These are just some of the “No-Supply” or “Single-Supply” games that I utilize on a rainy day, and they are actually a lot of fun! The days seem to fly by when we play them, and the kids always seem to love them. This was an exceptionally long post, but I hope it was as fun to read as it was to write! Here is an overview of everything I covered in this post.
Thanks so much for reading! Logan After another amazing summer working at Camp Sonshine, it is time for me to return from being at my favorite place and doing my favorite thing to writing about my favorite place and thing. I was back with my original group of boys, who are now going into sixth and seventh grade, and I had a blast working with them! I also learned so much about working with kids and about being a camp counselor, and, of course, I have a lot to share!
With that in mind, I am very excited to be starting a new project (in addition to working at Camp Sonshine next summer, don’t worry!). I am on the Coordinator Board of the University of Maryland’s chapter of Camp Kesem, a national organization that creates a week-long sleep-away camp for children whose parents have been affected by cancer. Some of these children have unfortunately lost a parent to cancer and are therefore experiencing grief for what may be the first time in their lives. In working with this organization and from the experiences I have had this summer in working with children who are grieving, I figured it would be important to talk about grief and how to work with grieving children. Many children will unfortunately experience some form of grief before they enter adulthood, and it is very important for those children to have a safe place or person to go to in times of grief. Although it is common to seek professional help for a grieving child, not all children need this help, and having someone to talk to and to help them through their grief can suffice. Sometimes, summer camps and camp counselors can be just what these kids need in their time of grief! Most normal grieving heals over time, but there is another form of grieving that is more troubling and problematic: complicated grieving. The most common sign of complicated grief is an overwhelming sense of grief in which the child feels stuck in grief (Worden, 2009). This complicated grief is best left to professionals, but even in this situation, children still need a camp counselor or someone by their side to help them through this difficult time. According to a psychological study, there are two main types of grievers, both of which require different guidance depending on their situation: intuitive and instrumental (Martin & Doka, 2008). According to the Gift of Life Institute, intuitive grievers typically grieve outwardly by letting their emotions flow. These children typically require a listening ear and a shoulder to cry on. On the other hand, the Gift of Life Institute says that instrumental grievers are more active and pragmatic and grieve internally, attempting to solve their own problems and work through their grief alone. These children will likely require less guidance and will simply need someone to show them that they are there for them if they need them. (This is especially important because if they are too young, children may become overwhelmed with grief, which is potentially dangerous for their mental health.) With the two types of grievers in mind, there are also two main ways that grief tends to run its course. The Task Model of Grieving (Worden, 2009) states that grieving occurs in a non-sequential four-step process:
Another way grief runs its course is explained by Stroebe and Schut through the Dual Process Model of Coping and Bereavement (1999), in which children oscillate between two orientations: Loss and Restoration. During the Loss Orientation, children tend to feel an intense feeling of grief, and during the Restoration Orientation, children are able to learn to move on and go through life without the deceased loved one. These two orientations may alternate, and children may remain in each orientation for different durations, depending on the severity of the grief. Even though grieving is a process and requires time, as I previously mentioned, being there for a child can be the best way to help them through a period of grief. Camp is the perfect place for this assistance because it is important for grieving children to have opportunities to see that they are not alone in their grief. (Camp Kesem provides the perfect opportunity for these grieving children because it brings many children who may be grieving over a similar loss together.) Grieving with others can help normalize grieving, reduce isolation, and provide an opportunity to share feelings. As an adult having a conversation about grief with a child, it is important to remember a few things in order to ensure that the child is comfortable: encourage the child to grieve in their own way, follow the child’s lead, use active listening strategies, and connect children with outside resources if necessary. Emphasize that every person is different, and for this reason, there is not one single way they should be grieving, and that they are allowed to feel however they are feeling. This will help children understand that there is nothing wrong with them, which may prevent future feelings of worthlessness and self-doubt. Let the child lead the conversation by using phrases such as, “Tell me what is going on” and “Would you like to tell me more?” so that they feel as if they are in control of the situation. This will avoid any discomfort a child may feel if something too personal is asked. (Eventually, if the conversation seems to be going well, and the child seems to be disclosing more personal information, it is appropriate to ask more personal questions.) Use active listening skills, especially paraphrasing and restating what they child says, to reassure the child that you are listening and that you do care about what they have to say (Miller, 2012). This will give children an opportunity to further process what they are saying when it is repeated back to them, and it may encourage them to elaborate more on how they feel. Finally, if the child seems to need professional help, it is important to refer them to resources that can help them, such as the Montgomery County Good Grief Club www.hospicecaring.org/children-s-bereavement-support.html, which helps local children work through grief. Because I know this was A LOT of information, here is a summary of all the information above:
Thanks for reading! Logan *P.S. I promise that my next post will be fun! **P.P.S. If you are interested in learning more about Camp Kesem, the national organization’s website is CampKesem.org. Also if you are interested in helping contribute to my Camp Kesem fundraising efforts (we need to raise about $30,000!!!) here is the link: https://donate.kesem.org/fundraiser/1100829 ***Huge thank you to Dr. Karen O’Brien, for providing me the research materials and the expert opinion on grief!*** References: Martin, T.L., & Doka, K.J. (2008). The influence of gender and socialization on grieving styles. In R.A. Neimeyer, D.L. Harris, H.R. Winokuer, & G.F. Thornton (Eds.), Grief and bereavement in contemporary society: Bridging research and practice (pp. 69-77). New York: Routledge. Miller, R. S. (2012). Intimate Relationships. Dubuque: McGraw-Hill Education. O'Brien, K. M. (n.d.). Helping a Grieving Child [PPT]. Stroebe, M. & Schut, H. (1999). The dual process model of coping with bereavement: Rationale and description. Death Studies, 23, 197-224. Worden, J.W. (2009). Grief counseling and grief therapy: A handbook for the mental health practitioner (4th Ed.). New York: Springer. Wright, M. (2013, November 15). Two Styles of Grieving: Intuitive and Instrumental. Retrieved September 27, 2017, from https://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/styles-of-grieving-050712 **Disclaimer** Before I begin, I want to give a warning that this post will have a more serious tone than the previous posts and that it may be difficult to read for some people. I will discuss emergency preparedness, CPR, and signs of drowning. Also, please be aware that I am not a medical professional in any way and that I am speaking only from personal experience as well as from what I have read online. While I encourage you to read this post, I also encourage you to seek more information from trained professionals if you intend to work with children.
Camp is just around the corner for me, and I am extremely excited! It means that I’ll be back in my favorite place doing what I love most—working with children! Even though I love it so much, I know that every day there are inherent risks that linger over every activity, and there is always a possibility that these risks could become realities. For that reason, it is extremely important to know how to react in emergency situations as well as the signs of emergency situations. As I mentioned in my first post, a camp counselor’s number one priority is keeping the campers safe, and their safety is still important in emergency situations. In the case of emergency, adhering to the following procedures will ensure that the emergency is taken care of without any greater risks to the counselor or the other campers. First, it is most important for the counselor to remain calm and take a few breaths as well as remind their self that they can handle the situation. Freaking out can cause the other campers to panic, which may eventually put them in danger as well, and will cause the counselor to lose focus, preventing them from reacting accordingly. Next, looking at the situation as a whole will help the counselor determine what the most serious issue is and what needs to be handled immediately as opposed to what can wait. Sometimes the most evident issue is not always the most serious one, so taking a second to evaluate the situation is crucial. Then, if there are any immediate injuries that need to be attended to that cannot wait for a medical professional, it is best to do so before calling for help. These include life-threatening issues like excessive bleeding or shock. If the injured person does not seem to be responding or is unconscious, CPR may be needed. (I will go into basic CPR instructions to be used on pre-pubescent children below.) After that, once any life-threatening injuries are attended to, even if the situation seems under control, it is extremely important to call or alert emergency services, such as the fire department, police, or hospital, so that they can evaluate any potentially unnoticed injuries. Finally, after the emergency is taken care of, the next crucial step is to attend to any of the campers not directly involved in the emergency, reminding them that everything will be okay and comforting them if necessary. As previously mentioned, some emergencies may require the administration of CPR, which is used when someone’s heart stops beating or when they are not breathing properly. It works by helping move blood to a person’s brain in order to prevent brain damage. (I am not personally certified in CPR, but I do know the basic steps. This is an example where it would be helpful to seek further information beyond my knowledge.) The three main steps to remember for CPR are C-A-B: compression, airway, breathing, but the most important step for someone who is not CPR-certified, like myself, is compression, which is often shown to work on its own. After checking to see if CPR is actually needed, follow the steps below, as outlined by WebMD:
Another emergency situation that there are many misconceptions about is drowning. Many people believe that the signs of drowning include flailing arms and screaming for help, but in reality, people who are drowning cannot complete these tasks, and those who can are not actually drowning but are under aquatic distress, which is still concerning, but not immediately life-threatening. According to Dr. Francesco A. Pia in an article in the Coast Guard’s On Scene magazine, in order to prevent suffocation in water, people resort to the Instinctive Drowning Response, which is a essentially silent and appears calm. He characterizes the response by the inability to call out for help because the respiratory system is occupied by attempted breathing. Additionally, the mouth is hardly above the water for very long, permitting only short, if any, breathing and no verbal communication. Furthermore, there is no waving for help because the arms are instinctively extended to attempt to keep the body afloat, preventing any voluntary body movement. People tend to remain upright in the water and cannot keep themselves afloat for more than 20-60 seconds. Additonally, according to an article titled “Drowning Doesn’t Look Like Drowning,” other more noticeable signs of drowning include the following:
If camp counselors are aware of the misconceptions of drowning as well as the overall signs of drowning, then they are more likely to be able to notice if a camper may be drowning and can take action or call for help if necessary. As with all of my posts, here is a brief overview of what I covered in this post:
Thanks for reading! Logan *P.S. This is likely my last post for the summer until school starts back up in the fall. I will be taking very detailed notes of my experiences throughout the summer and will have plenty to post about when I’m back at UMD!* **P.P.S. Since this article used a lot of information from online, below is a list of my sources.**
I’ve previously touched on the idea that camp is supposed to be a sacred place for kids to come and truly be themselves. It’s not school, so any sort of unpopularity or pressure to be cool that a child feels at school can be thrown out the window at camp. Camp gives kids an opportunity to start fresh and reinvent themselves in a setting where teachers and cliques aren’t telling them “no.” (Granted, when a camper asks me if he can spray paint a tree, I’m still going to tell him no, but that’s another issue.) In fact, if shown love, appreciation, and acceptance from the counselors and other campers, the pressure-free atmosphere that camp provides can even give kids a boost of confidence when they return to school in the fall.
However, all of this pressure-free confidence may be swiftly destroyed for a long time if a child faces a bullying situation during camp. According to Steve Brenneman, the Camp Sonshine WASC Programmer, “The ripple effects of bullying are so intense that people will carry them for the rest of their life.” That’s why it is the counselor’s job to ensure that bullying doesn’t occur, or if it does, to end it immediately. According to StopBullying.gov, an alarming 28% of students in grades 6-12 have experienced bullying in some point in their school career, and 70.6% of young people have witnessed bullying in their schools. The sad thing is that bullying has become extremely common in schools, but the good thing is that camp counselors (as well as anyone else) can help prevent it. In order to do so, the crucial first step is to set an anti-bullying standard. Instead of telling children not to bully, it is more effective give them positive alternatives. (Kids tend to respond a lot better when you tell them what they can do instead of what they cannot do.) On the first day of every week, I like to sit my group down and explain to them that camp is a place where we build each other up instead of cutting each other down. I also emphasize the obvious fact that we are all different, but our differences make our group special and so much stronger. I then usually conclude that with these thoughts in mind, bullying will not be tolerated. This way, the campers have an idea of how they should act, and they understand that if they don’t act this way, there will be consequences. Unfortunately, this is really the only preventative action that counselors can take against bullying before it even begins. With that in mind, however, there are ways for counselors to nip a bullying situation in the bud. It is very important for counselors to monitor the group dynamic and see where cliques are forming and where some campers may appear to be left out. (Stay tuned for a post about how to create a strong group dynamic in the future!) If a camper appears to be left out of the group, this is a great opportunity for the counselor to have some one-on-one time with the camper, but it is also important to determine why the camper is left out. Sometimes this may mean that the child is more of an introvert and prefers to be alone, but it also may indicate that bullying is occurring within the group. With that said, while it is easy to spot a camper who is left out of the group, sometimes a bullying situation is not as easy to spot because kids are sneaky and know only to bully when the counselor is not paying attention. (Sadly, we don’t have eyes on the back of our heads like moms do, so we don’t always know what’s going on.) Because of this, it is also important that campers know that they can always come to you with any concerns, bullying-related or otherwise, and that they won’t be judged for them. According to StopBullying.gov, reminding children that you are there for them and even talking to them one-on-one for 15 minutes a day can reassure them that they can come to you if they have a problem. (This is yet another reason to spend one-on-one time with individual campers!) Finally, it is important to encourage kids to do whatever it is that they love without fear of other people looking down on them. Although this isn’t a direct solution to bullying, if children are encouraged to do what they love and a bullying situation does occur, then it is a lot easier to help the bully put themselves in the shoes of the child that they are bullying and understand why bullying wrong. For example, if a child who loves basketball is teasing another child for their love of Pokémon, it’s easy to get the child who loves basketball to imagine being picked on for their love of basketball and understand the unfairness of the situation, possibly causing a change in their behavior as a result. With all of that in mind, it is a lot easier to prevent bullying altogether or stop it before it escalates than it is to deal with a bullying situation once it has occurred. However, it is equally important to know how to handle a bullying situation after the fact. The first step is to sit the bully aside and explain to them that their actions are unacceptable and that they need to be mindful of others’ feelings. (Depending on the severity of the situation, the bully may not even be aware that they are bullying.) It is important, however, to also hear their side of the story because a single perspective may not reveal the entire truth. After this, if the child is truly at fault, have them apologize to the other child. (I have found that getting children to write out apology letters causes them to think about their actions and is more effective in preventing a future incident than simply having the child say, “I’m sorry,” when they might not mean it.) Then, it is extremely important to talk to the child who was bullied. Thank them for being brave and coming to you as well as ensure them that it will not happen again. Also, many children believe that it is their fault that they were bullied, so it is crucial that they understand that they are special and unique and do not deserve to be treated that way and that it is the bully who is behaving poorly, not them. Overall, bullying is a very complex issue, and not every situation is as black and white as it may appear, making it very difficult to handle alone. Don’t be afraid to reach out to someone else and ask for help because it can be physically and emotionally draining to deal with a bullying situation. I have found that I’m really good at making these posts super long, so here is a list of summary points:
Thanks for reading! Logan *P.S. Thank you to Steve Brenneman for helping me formulate ideas!* *P.S.S. This may be my last post until the Fall semester because finals are just around the corner, and then my summer begins! I may have time to squeeze in one more post in June before camp starts, but I am not sure yet. Also, I am considering posting more generic biweekly updates of my camp experiences, but that will depend on how well I am able to budget my time during camp. I work over 12 hour days, so I won’t know until I try.* I’ve mentioned again and again the importance of creating one-on-one relationships with campers, and that usually involves getting down to their level. This is easy with most children, who I will refer to as “neurotypical,” but it’s a little bit more difficult to develop relationships with children who have Asperger’s Syndrome or are somewhere on the High Functioning Autism spectrum. (To clarify, when I refer to children with Autism, I am referring to children on the High Functioning Autism spectrum, who are more independent, as opposed to children on the Low Functioning Autism spectrum, who would need more individualized care.) Autistic children function differently from neurotypical children, and it is extremely important to understand these differences in order to best cater to their individual needs.
According to the American Psychiatric Association, Autism is a “neurodevelopmental disorder characterized by qualitative impairments in social interaction and communication and markedly restricted/repetitive behaviors and interests” (American Psychiatric Association, 1994). When working with young children, it is often more difficult to determine if they are autistic because children develop so differently. However, in my personal experience, I have been able to pinpoint a few tell-tale signs of Autism. Although every child with Autism is different, they typically like to be off by themselves and may have difficulty interacting with other children because they cannot always pick up on social cues. Additionally, many children with Autism have a very nuanced and specific interest that they know a lot about. For example, I have a camper who is absolutely obsessed with buses. He loves sitting in the driver’s seat, talking with bus drivers, and inspecting every bus he sees. If I don’t know exactly where he is at a given moment, and there is a bus nearby, I can almost always guarantee that he is on or around that bus. With that said, these characteristics are only visible from the outside in. The first step to working with children with Autism is to understand where they are coming from. According to Kim Martin, an assistant at the University of Maryland Autism Research Center, “A child with High Functioning Autism faces a heightened sensory system. Lights are brighter, sounds are louder, and clothes have a more intense feel.” Being mindful of this heightened sensory system, it is important to understand that children with Autism may frequently feel overwhelmed by their internal feelings, and this isn’t even taking their external social interactions into account. For this reason, children with Autism need extra space and may require some time to be alone. This time is crucial for them to collect themselves and calm down, and camp counselors should be aware of this necessity. (Obviously, it is important to establish boundaries, such as telling them that they must be able to see you at all times, so that you can keep an eye on them.) When children with Autism feel ready, they will come back to you and rejoin their group. Furthermore, even though children with Autism have difficult times interacting with others, it is extremely important that they receive a sense of interaction and belonging on a one-on-one and group level. One of the easiest ways to achieve this is to find out what it is that they love. I have found that the best way to approach them is while they are alone. I like to sit at a far-enough distance, so that they do not feel overwhelmed by my presence and ask them what it is that they love. (Of course, some children like being stubborn, and then I like to go the “What do you hate?” route and make my way up from there.) Children with Autism are similar to neurotypical children in the sense that they both love to talk about their interests. However, as Ilya Zhitomirskiy, a fifth-year University of Maryland Psychology student with Asperger’s Syndrome puts it, “Most people are like foxes from the fable of the fox and the hedgehog, and they know a little about everything. People with Asperger’s—they’re hedgehogs.” (The fox in the fable can see the larger picture, but the hedgehog is only able to see one focus.) It is also very important that children with Autism are exposed to group social interaction, so that they can become more comfortable with it, as it is a skill they will spend the rest of their life mastering. It is a counselor’s job to facilitate these interactions and to ensure that the group includes everyone. At the same time, however, campers should know that the child with Autism in their group functions a little bit differently than they do. (This creates a sense of transparency that I briefly discussed in the last post, and it teaches children to treat others how they would like to be treated, even if they are different from them.) With that in mind, it is likely that some neurotypical campers will try to pick on a camper with Autism because they seem different. (Stay tuned for a post on how to prevent and deal with bullying in the near future!) Because children with Autism are not able to pick up on social cues as easily, they will likely be unaware of any bullying that is going on, which will create even more reason for neurotypical children to want to bully them. According to Ilya, “They may not know the normal social conventions, and they might not know if normal people are trying to take advantage of them.” (For this reason, even subtle sarcasm should be avoided when working with children with Autism because they will likely take it literally.) On top of everything, the most important thing to remember is that children with Autism are still children, just like every other camper. They may function a little bit differently from the neurotypical campers, but they still have the same basic needs and desires as everyone else. In the long run, kids are just kids, no matter what the American Psychiatric Association says about them! I’ve found it’s helpful to summarize the points I made throughout the post at the bottom, so here they are!
Thanks for reading! Logan *P.S. During my interview process, I learned that Asperger’s Syndrome was recently put under the category of Autism Spectrum Disorder, according to the American Psychiatric Association’s 5th Edition of The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, which is why I wrote my post about High Functioning Autism instead of Asperger’s Syndrome. Additionally, I was unable to include everything I learned during the interview process because it would be WAY too much information, but I would be happy to discuss more with anyone who is interested! ***Big thank you to Kim Martin and Ilya Zhitomirskiy for taking the time to let me interview them!*** I emphasized in my last post just how important it is to create one-on-one relationships with individual campers as a way to make them feel special and important to the group, and I still stand by this. Being a camp counselor puts you in a unique position because you essentially get paid to be friends with kids all day (and, you know, supervise them, of course.) With that said, however, there is a super fine line that shouldn’t be crossed when it comes to working with children, and it is extremely important that camp counselors—and anyone working with children for that matter—know where that line is. Children love to try to push boundaries, so knowing where the line is can help keep adult and child relationships appropriate, making sure that the child feels comfortable. After all, ensuring a child feels comfortable around you is part of ensuring their emotional safety, which I covered in the last post.
So, what does an appropriate counselor/camper relationship look like? I like to think of it more as a big sibling/little sibling relationship. In this sense, the big sibling has more life experience and can serve as a mentor for the little sibling, but also, there’s a point where the big sibling has to kick out the little sibling to hang out with people their own age. The little sibling probably doesn’t like that, but it’s for their own good; they’ll get over it. Obviously, it works a little differently with a counselor/camper relationship because the counselor can’t—and definitely shouldn’t—just kick the camper out if they feel like the camper is overstepping boundaries. Depending on the way a child crosses a boundary, a counselor’s reaction can vary. Let’s start with a child crossing a physical boundary: a camper tries to pull down your pants. (I really don’t know why they think that’s a good idea, but it seems to happen a lot.) The first defense is always to stop the behavior before it escalates. I think it’s a good idea to use I-statements. (That was me using an I-statement.) I-statements are statements that begin with “I” as the subject of the sentence, such as “I’d prefer,” “I don’t like,” “I’m not sure.” Using I-statements makes whatever follows them seem less harsh. In the case of a camper pulling down your pants, saying “I’d prefer it if you didn’t do that again” is a lot nicer than “Don’t do that again.” and it seems to take the blame away from the child and focuses it more on you, which is important because it allows them to understand that it upset you, which they probably never intended. A child crossing a social boundary works in a similar manner: a camper asks “Do you have a girlfriend?” Campers LOVE this question for some weird reason. It’s a little less alarming when a child oversteps a social boundary, so the primary response can definitely be a little more lighthearted. Something like, “Uh, no! Girls are gross! I spend all my free time watching Netflix” can make them laugh and divert their attention away from the original question, which is important for keeping a conversation going. If responding in a joking manner doesn’t seem to take the camper’s attention away from the subject, then it’s time to bring out the I-statement: “I’d like it better if we didn’t talk about that.” That being said, sometimes a camper will come to you with a very serious question or concern—something that they are only trusting you with. If this is the case, the first thing to do is thank them for being honest and open with you. It will make them feel more comfortable about opening up, and it will once again make them feel special and important. After that, it is important to remind them that anything they tell you will not be shared with anyone else. However, this is where it gets a little tricky because if they tell you something in which they threaten to hurt themselves, someone else, or they are somehow being hurt by someone else, it must be reported that they or someone else is clearly in danger, and not reporting it would be ignoring their physical or emotional safety in this sense. (I will touch more on this a little later.) If there is no threat of danger, then it is extremely important to be honest with the child because it took a lot of courage for them to decide to come to you, and they deserve an honest answer from you. (Of course, if the subject is not age-appropriate, it is important to respond in a way that they would understand.) Now, back to the part about reporting any signs of a child being hurt or abused by an adult. Any person who works directly with children is required under Maryland state law to “report both orally and in writing any suspected child abuse or neglect,” according to Maryland’s Department of Human Resources. The report must include the following information, if known:
This law is intended to keep children safe, which as I continually emphasize, is a counselor’s number one priority. It may be difficult to report any suspected abuse, especially if the child asks you not to, but it is important that the child know that the people who you are reporting the abuse to only want to help the child and that they will be safe. On one final note, when a child does come to you with something severe, it is important that you show them that you care by telling them, and also sometimes by physically reassuring them. It’s always a good idea to read the situation and to know the child, but if they are comfortable and you feel like it would help them to have some sort of physical reassurance, four safe places to touch a child reassuringly are on the head, upper back, shoulder, and upper arm. Doing so will show the child you are there for them and that you can help comfort them if they need it. As with my last post, this was a lot of information, so I’ll summarize the points I made in bullets below:
Logan *P.S. I am learning so much from these posts, and I’m really having a great time writing them! I am in the process of conducting interviews to write a post about how to work with children with Asperger’s Syndrome, and I am very excited, so stay tuned!* Before I was a counselor, I was a camper at Camp Sonshine for thirteen years—from the time I was four years old to the time I was sixteen years old. Over those thirteen years, I had a wide range of counselors who all seemed to have one thing in common: the desire to make camp about the campers. It wasn’t until years later, when I first became a counselor that I learned the motto for Camp Sonshine staff: “Camp is for the Campers.” This may seem as if it should be implied, but with the summer camp experience I had outside of Camp Sonshine, I’m rather sad to say that it isn’t. Counselors at the few other camps I attended seemed to care only about themselves, and they made that very clear with their negligent attitudes toward the campers.
So, we know that a bad camp counselor is a negligent camp counselor. Then what makes a good one? Through my experience as both camper and counselor, I have been able to narrow down a few attributes that make Camp Sonshine staff shine, as the name implies. First and foremost, a good camp counselor has to prioritize the safety of every camper that they are responsible for. In addition to that, a good camp counselor must connect with campers on an individual level, and, of course, lead by example. According to Steve Brenneman, my current boss and past counselor, who serves as the Wilderness Adventure Specialty Camp (WASC) Programmer, there are two types of camper safety that should be prioritized: physical and mental/emotional. The physical safety is fairly obvious. Keep the campers safe from anything that could physically harm them. That means surveying the area for potential hazards: bee hives, sharp glass, poison ivy, etc. (I list these hazards because I’ve unfortunately had to deal with all of them as a camper and a counselor, and they’re just not fun). In addition to scanning for hazards, it is important to visualize any potential hazards in order to launch a preemptive strike against any physical danger. I have found that putting myself in their position can really help me understand how I can prevent any incidents. I usually ask myself, “What can I, as a ten-year-old boy, do to be destructive?” and then I act accordingly. I think, “Hey, I think it’s a great idea to push little Johnny around a boiling pot of water over a fire!” and consequently, I move the handle away from the edge and make rules against horseplay around the fire. Mental/emotional safety is a little more abstract, but it is equally—if not more—important to ensuring a child has a good time at camp. In this instance, in addition to keeping campers physically safe, a good camp counselor must ensure that campers feel mentally and emotionally safe. Camp should be a place for campers to be themselves. Steve used to always tell me when I was a camper, and he still tells me now, that camp isn’t the school cafeteria; camp isn’t the local Boy Scout troop; camp isn’t about who is popular and who isn’t. Camp is about making everyone feel loved, appreciated, and accepted. This means that it is extremely important to really observe the overall dynamic of the group. If there is any semblance of bullying, it must be ended immediately. Since bullying is such an unfortunately common occurrence among children, setting a zero-tolerance policy right away and remaining strict about it can really ensure the mental and emotional safety of every camper. Once safety is ensured, it is important to build relationships with every camper individually. These one-on-one moments are the memories that will truly stick with the campers. The Director of Camp Sonshine, Kirk Carey, always says that children might not remember which activities they did in the future, but they will definitely remember how they felt when they were doing them. This idea can be applied to counselors too: campers may not remember all of the specifics about the counselors they have had throughout the years, but they will remember that a certain counselor made them feel special and important. Building this sense of importance requires an individual connection with a camper, and the best way to make a connection is to once again get down to the camper’s level. This means physically getting down to their height, so that they do not feel intimidated by someone standing over them, and it also means getting down to their level of interest. Getting down to their level of interest makes campers feel like what they are interested in is important and, therefore, that they are important. This skill is especially important when working with children with Asperger’s. (Stay tuned for an entire post on working with children with Asperger’s coming soon). It is easy to figure out their interests through a series of questions, such as “What do you like to do?” However, many children are not too quick to open up about their interests, so another great conversation starter that eventually yields an interest is “Okay then, what do you hate to do?” If the children share similar interests, an immediate bond is formed between the counselor and camper. If the counselor doesn’t know anything about the camper’s interests, there is a great opportunity to have them explain their interests, making them feel important. Another important aspect of being a good camp counselor is leading by example. In addition to following all of the rules set for counselors, it is important to follow the rules set for the campers themselves. If campers aren’t supposed to be talking while other counselors are talking, then it is important for counselors not to talk while other counselors are talking. Additionally, campers aren’t going to want to be themselves unless the counselor isn’t afraid to act in a way that makes the campers feel comfortable with being themselves. At Camp Sonshine, we say that counselors have to “rip up their cool card,” meaning, in the words of LMFAO, “Get Crazy, Get Wild!” (Those are the only lyrics from that song I’m going to quote because the rest definitely do not pertain to being a good camp counselor). Steve says it best when he says the following “When you become a camp counselor, you are walking into a world where these kids are going to be looking at everything you say and everything you do under a microscope. You can’t be fake with these kids. They know when you are being sincere or hiding behind a mask.” That being said, good camp counselors can’t pretend to commit to ripping up their cool cards, but must fully commit because the campers will see right through any ingenuine attitudes. Honestly, it’s okay to scream the words to Let It Go from “Frozen” while on an hour-long bus ride. It’s not going to lower the amount of likes you get on Instagram. After truly committing to ripping up your cool card, campers will see the real you and will feel more comfortable to be themselves, which really leads back to making them feel mentally and emotionally safe. Essentially, it’s all connected! Now, I know that was a lot of information (honestly, this might be an entire day of training), so I will bullet the main points again below. Good camp counselors do the following:
Until next time! Logan *Big thank you to Steve Benemann for helping me synthesize this information!* My first blog post will come at the beginning of the spring semester, which starts on January 22nd, and I will post every three weeks! Check back at the beginning of February for my first post!
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Logan DechterUniversity of Maryland student by fall and spring, camp counselor by summer. Archives
February 2018
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